Uriel in China

Freedom Of Pedagogy

December 4, 2000

by Uriel Wittenberg (uw@urielw.com)


This is one in a series of letters from Uriel relating experiences and observations in China since his arrival in September, 2000. See China Index for full list and subscription info.

That's the magical thing about this place. It's not Oxford; the kids probably won't go on to cure cancer or crack math mysteries; but I am blissfully free to do anything and everything I want: Frank Sinatra, The New York Times, Monty Python, Shakespeare, and now one of the great Arnold Schwarzenegger movies:

20 INT. REKALL - MEMORY STUDIO - DAY 20

Quaid sits in a "dentist's chair" in an office which is a cross between an operating room and a sound mixing booth. An IV tube is connected to the back of his hand, and he wears a GREEN SURGICAL SMOCK over his street cloths.

ERNIE, a hyperactive young technician, lowers over Quaid's head a burnished metal bowl at the end of an elbow arm. He has the air of an acid-head who's still out there.

ERNIE Just relax. First trip?

QUAID Mm-hmm.

Ernie carefully aligns the complex scientific instrument and locks it in place.

ERNIE Don't worry. Things hardly ever fuck up.

The door opens and a bird-like, middle-aged woman enters in a stylish pants suit. DR. LULL is too skinny and her hair is too red. She treats Quaid with impersonal conviviality.

DR. LULL Good evening... (checks video-chart) Doug. I'm Dr. Lull.

QUAID Nice to meet you.

Dr. Lull flips through Quaid's computer chart.

DR. LULL Ernie, patch in matrix 62B, 37, and... (looks at Quaid) Would you like us to integrate some alien stuff?

In quick succession, Dr. Lull runs through a series of graphics on the computer screen representing "memory trip" cassette covers. We see pictures of slimy green Martians.

QUAID Two-headed monsters?

DR. LULL Don't you keep up with the news? We're doing alien artifacts now.

Dr. Lull and Quaid share a facetious smile.

QUAID Sure. Why not?

The latest graphic appears on the screen: a sophisticated archaeological dig inside a red cave. Dr. Lull crosses the room to get another laser disk. She tosses it to Ernie, who examines the cover art with interest before plugging it in.

ERNIE That's a new one.

Dr. Lull fastens straps over Quaid to hold him in place and makes perfunctory conversation.

DR. LULL So, been married long?

QUAID Eight years.

DR. LULL I see. Slipping away for a little hanky-panky.

QUAID Not really. I've just always been fascinated by Mars.

ERNIE All systems go.

DR. LULL (fastens last strap) Then we're all set.

DR. LULL (CONT'D) Ready for dream land?

Quaid nods and Dr. Lull shoots him in the neck with the medicine gun.

DR. LULL (CONT'D) I'll be asking you a few questions, Doug, as we can fine tune the ego program. Answer honestly, and you'll enjoy yourself a whole lot more.

Quaid begins to feel the effects of the anaesthetic. Dr. Lull checks his vital signs.

DR. LULL (CONT'D) Your sexual orientation?

QUAID Hetero.

DR. LULL Hmmm. (flips a switch) And how do you like your women?

Quaid looks drowsily at a schematic female outline on a computer screen. With each decision, the computer image adjusts to correspond to Quaid's taste.

DR. LULL (CONT'D) Blonde, brunette, redhead?

QUAID Brunette.

DR. LULL Slim, athletic, voluptuous?

The schematic figures fills out, her breasts expanding to enormous size.

QUAID (woozy) Athletic.

The computer figure returns to more normal proportions.

DR. LULL Demure, aggressive, sleazy? Be honest.

QUAID Sleazy...and demure.

DR. LULL (with certainty) Forty-one A, Ernie.

Ernie inserts cassette 41A into his console. The computer image seems very similar to the woman in Quaid's dream.

ERNIE Boy, is he gonna have a wild time. Won't wanna come back.

21 INT. MCCLANES OFFICE - DUSK 21

McClane is talking with another prospective client, a spinsterish, middle-aged woman, MISS LONELYHEARTS.

MCCLANE So, what do you say?

MISS LONEYHEARTS I'm not so sure. (complains) But there won't be any souvenirs.

MCCLANE Not true. For just a few credits more, we supply T-shirts, snapshots of you at the sights, and letters from the handsome men you'll meet.

The VIDEOPHONE rings, and Dr. Lull appears on his screen.

DR. LULL (LIVE FEED) Bob?

MCCLANE (impatient) What is it?

DR. LULL You better get down here.

McClane rolls his eyes, as if in league with the customer against the company.

MCCLANE I'm with a very important client.

DR. LULL Looks like another schizoid embolism.

Miss Lonelyhearts is scandalized. McClane stands and attempts a reassuring smile.

MCCLANE I'll be right back.

MISS LONELYHEARTS Mr. McClane, Mr. McClane.

TIFFANY Bob, what's wrong?

22 INT. REKALL - MEMORY STUDIO - DUSK 22

MCCLANE (to Tiffany) Don't let her leave.

McClane strides into the memory studio, ready to kick ass, but he pulls up short at what he sees and hears.

Quaid shouts and thrashes about in the chair, violently struggling to break the straps that hold him down. He's like a different person: a caged animal.

QUAID You're dead, all of you! You blew my cover.

Terrified, Dr. Lull and Ernie keep a safe distance from Quaid. McClane is merely aggravated.

MCCLANE What the fuck is going on here?! You can't install a simple goddamn double implant?!

DR. LULL It's not my fault. We hit a memory cap.

QUAID They'll be here any minute! They'll kill you all!

MCCLANE What's he talking about?

QUAID Let me go!

McClane walks up to Quaid and examines his eyes.

MCCLANE Mr. Quaid, try and calm down.

Quaid breaks the strap holding his right arm and grabs McClane by the throat.

QUAID (quietly menacing) My name's not Quaid.

McClane, choking, tries to pry Quaid's hand from his neck, but he can't loosen the iron grip.

QUAID Untie me.

Ernie rushes over and unsuccessfully tries to wrestle Quaid's arm down, using his full body weight. McClane's eyes are bulging.

Dr. Lull frantically jabs a SYRINGE GUN into Quaid's thigh and fires dose after does until Quaid's grip weakens and he passes out.

McClane falls to the ground, gagging. Dr. Lull goes over to help him.

DR. LULL Are you all right?

McClane shoves her away and gasps for breath.

DR. LULL (CONT'D) Listen to me! He's been going on and on about Mars. (frightened) He's really been there.

MCCLANE (raspy) Use your head, you dumb bitch! He's acting out the secret agent role from his Ego Trip!

DR. LULL (superior) I'm afraid that's not possible.

MCCLANE (condescending) Why not?

DR. LULL We haven't implanted it yet.

McClane falls silent. Suddenly he's terrified.

MCCLANE Oh shit....Oh shit...

DR. LULL I've been trying to tell you. Someone erased his memory.

ERNIE (hysterical) Excuse me, someone? We're talking the fucking Agency!

DR. LULL Shut up!

TIFFANY Bob, the client's gone.

WHACK! Dr. Lull SLAPS Ernie across the face. Her violent act shocks everyone to silence, including herself. McClane tries to think.

MCCLANE Okay, this is what we're gonna do. Renata, cover up any memory he has of us or Rekall.

DR. LULL I'll do what I can. It's getting messy in there.

MCCLANE Ernie, dump him in a cab. Around the corner. Tiffany, you help him. (Ernie nods) I'll destroy his file and refund his money. (stands) And if anybody comes asking...we've never heard of Douglas Quaid.

DR. LULL Come on...put his head in place.

They look at Quaid, sprawled unconscious in the chair.

[Excerpted from Total Recall script at http://www.bangkok.com/mypage/moviescripts/.]


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